Re-Post "Chick Flick Christianity in a Feminized Church"

Sometime ago I came across this article written by Scott Hill at the "Fide-O" blog site and thought it appropriate to problems in the family (church and filial).

I never really understood the draw of romance novels or movies, until I was old enough to understand just how different women think than men. I am not saying I understand how women think; I just now understand they don't think like me.

However, I believe there are three kinds of Chick Flicks. In one you have to two lifelong friends who go through a series of trials that draws them closer until one day through accident or sickness one of them dies. This type of movie usually involves flashbacks and narration. The second type of chick flick involves a good looking witty guy who is constantly outsmarted and put down by the heroine and her friends until she discovers he is not that bad "for a man" and they shack up happily ever after. The third and most common of the chick flicks are the one where the high school sweetheart husband through some character flaw major or minor drives the heroine into the arms of the charming, rich, young man who really, really, really understands her. He has ESP, and went to 'how to understand women' school, and she of course could not ask for anything better. In the end she leaves her husband for Mr. Rich Charming.

Now the draw of this is not that it reminds us of memories about our own romances, but just the opposite. These movies and books, appeal to a fantasy. The perfect marriage, the perfect kids, the perfect house, job, neighborhood, etc all of which require no work, no heartache, no communication, no discipline and least of all no temptation. These movies provide the fantasy. Who wants to pay $10 dollars to see real life? Right?

I am sure you are wondering by now if I have a point, and yes I do. I believe you can see this type of Christianity in the church. It is a fantasy fueled by a poor understanding of love, the same poor understanding that causes people to watch one of these movies and actually get mad at their spouse because they don't meet the fantasy standard. Nevertheless, don't misunderstand me. I am not just picking on women. In our feminized society, men are just as easily influenced by this misrepresentation as women. Men now try to live up to the fantasy. The biggest problem is this fantasy is in direct opposition to the teaching of scripture on what love actually is.

In 1st Corinthians 13 Paul wrote, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Paul establishes the importance of love here and in numerous other scriptures, and then gives us the characteristics of love. We know that love is not selfish, but that is exactly what the romance novel or chick flick promotes. The love in these dramas consists of a one sided emotion that compares more with narcissism than love. Yet, this is what people expect to see in their relationships even in church, a love that is selfish and self absorbed. A love that carries with it expectations and records wrongs. A love that believes it is arrogant and prideful to hold someone accountable. A love that confuses encouragement for rebuke. A love that actually gets jealous of a friends good fortune. A love that believes discipline is unloving. Yet the greatest thing a parent can do to show love for a child is to discipline them.

We see the importance of love but, what does this love look like? How is this love carried out? Does it have the characteristics of the romance novel? Does someone know they are loved by mere words? The same man who will beat his wife, will then immediately turn around and say he loves her. The same mom who leaves their 4 year old to fend for themselves while they go club hopping told them they loved them the moment before they walked out the door. The same husband who left his mistresses apartment before he took his wife on the romantic night on the town looked longingly in the eyes of both and told them they loved them. I believe this chick flick love has deluded us into believing that love is a sappy, emotional laden, romanticism that is so far removed from actual love that they are polar opposites.

This has only gotten worse as we read bible studies on falling in love with Jesus, and worship songs that purport this same Hollywood driven unbiblical love. Real love is not an emotion. Real love is a choice. However, no one believes this anymore. That is why people now believe you can "make love", fall in love, fall out of love, etc. It is this same belief driven by our consumer mindset that makes us Americans, shop around for the car, biscuit, spouse, restaurant, church, pastor, kids, that they really FEEL they love. I am not sure at which point love became a feeling, but it was after 1 John chapter 3 was written.

1 John 3:16 "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."

How do my kids no I love them. I pray for them, I provide a place for them to live, clothes to wear, food to eat, an education to succeed, accountability and discipline for training in life and use the wisdom God has given me be strong when need be and gentle when need be. Yet, doing so with a God given authority as a parent. Do I hug my kids and tell them I love them. Sure I do. Did my parents hug me? Sure they did, but as I grew older and more mature I realized that I didn't need the hugs as much. If I fell and scraped a knee or got my feelings hurt as a small child they were there to hug me and tell me it was better. After I got older I still scraped my knee, but I had been taught how to take care of that myself, and also how to comfort others who needed comfort. When I look back on my childhood I don't reminisce about the hugs or the times I was told I love you. I remember the times when I was rebellious or disobedient and my parents punished me. I did not like it at the time but now I know it was out of love. I remember when my parents would give up something they wanted so that I could have something I wanted. I know that was love. I remember always being provided for and protected and corrected. I know that was love. I remember when my parents made decisions for me and "put their foot down" because they loved me and were doing what they thought was best for me.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

http://fide-o.blogspot.com/2008/06/chick-flick-christianity-in-feminized.html